Finding Sarah, Finds Others…

Lemme first start with a virtual pat on the back to Oprah‘s network, OWN for doing what she intended to bring forth… good TV.  I never had my doubts with Oprah’s Midas touch, so to find her version of reality TV, turned DocuSeries is just another affirmation leading to the Universal Awakening coming this December.

I watched my pre-recorded Finding Sarah: From Royalty to Reality last night and all I could voice over and over, was “Poor, poor Sarah.”  My second thought is “Wow, think of all the people that will relate to her.”

Raw, vulnerable footage displays a picturesque Princess brought down to her worst nightmare… the enemy of self.  Although it boggles me as to how deeply rooted her DNA exposes itself as self-hatred, it frustrates me more that millions will be able to resonate with her and her struggles. Oh yea, I’m frustrated, and if you read the end, my rage carries through…

Where did Sarah say it all stemmed from?  Her adolescence.  12 to be exact.  The age her Mother left her… the age a scar was tattooed on her heart, the year she stuffed all sadness, anxiety, lack of trust and childhood deep within her cells, never to be heard of again until now.

It amazes me how many people will go through life lacking in self-worth only to unconsciously think it’s okay to pass down to their daughters.  What bothers me if even though I love what Sarah Ferguson is all about as she details her every step in self-discovery, I can’t help but want to reach across the TV screen, grab both her shoulders and shake her until she listens to me. Yes me!  I’m no professional counselor (although I’ve been known to help put pieces back together on the occasional broken hearted), but I am an expert when it comes to girls and their self-worth.

Sarah may think that her girls have slid by on her damaged DNA, but I can tell you it’s unlikely they will.  It is undeniable a Mother as broken as Sarah can raise two perfectly healthy, confident young ladies without her toxic leakage spilling over and onto her girls.  I hope in future episodes, Dr. Phil will stop Sarah in her tracks when she dicusses her natural tendencies to belittle herself in front of her daughters and tell her that no matter how confident she thinks her girls are NOW, it is crucial she change her language now, even if she doesn’t believe it… yet.

So if I may re-iterate the thoughts that have been percolating up to near explosiveness…

Moms – Keep. Your.  Mouths.  Shut! I mean c’mon!

I don’t care how confident you think little Jenny is when she’s only 10 years old, has a body of ladder, perfect skin and everything in her life is peachy as she looks forward to playing with dolls.

It doesn’t matter if you are putting yourself down and not her.

What matters is the person she looks up to, the mirror image of her someday is belittling themselves in front of her.  And one day, 10 year old Jenny is going to grow up, become Jen, with a curvy body, breakouts, braces, hormones, and suddenly Jen’s  image will morph its way into the adult face of her mother looking back at her in the mirror.  She’ll have adult issues and burdens, she’ll see the same things her mother saw.

She will have a bad day and label herself the same way her mother did and because the label has been stamped with her Mother’s inheritance, it will ring all the more true to her, that she is what her mother is.  Worthless.

Moms.  Keep quiet.  Keep your silly negative thoughts about you, about anyone to yourself. Keep our girls minds innocent, because Lord knows they will have time to fill it with their own chatter. Why add to their heat.

Sarah, I will continue to watch and cheer you on through your journey. If anything you will be a role model to the millions who resonate with you.

Teens Hardwired…

The agony over headgear and braces is now long gone as scientists urge parents to take a closer look at how our teens are Hardwired.

After reading a recent article during a usual Sunday routine of extra strong WaWa in one hand and a morning paper in the other… I tend to leave my Parade articles for the last scrumptious dessert read after gobbling through mounds of local news and gazillion ads that add bad calories to my wallet instead of my hips.

This weeks highlight, Inside Your Teen’s Head, by Judith Newman. This of course would catch my attention as the last 3 plus years I have dedicated my days to researching such topics close to heart for the benefit of two growing girls and my growing desire to sometimes want to cash it all in when the surge of hormones flux between 3 women living in one household.  Just as we used to blame chocolate for corrupting our face with pimples, we can no longer blame only hormones for the slithering noodle-like, sleep deprived creature, who forgets even the basics of basic and turns emotions on and off  like a bad teen reality show.

Get this… so I knew about the whole Prefrontal Cortex thingy from Dr. Laura Berman, the renowned sex expert often highlighted on Oprah.  Those of you not familiar with this not so layman’s terms, the Prefrontal Cortex is located towards the front of the brain and as chief commander,it is in charge of consequences, planning ahead and weighing priorities.  A part of the brain said to not fully develop until we are well into our twenties. YES! TWENTIES!!!  Crazy, I know, but it’s true.  So when we see our teenagers uploading YouTube video’s of themselves after repeatedly telling them not to because of the “consequences”… you now know why.

Here’s the kicker… as if that doesn’t shock you enough, scientists have now proven in a recent study with kids and the occasional brain surges that happen from childhood to adulthood; there is yet a huge surge that happens right before puberty hits followed by a period of “pruning”.  This pruning is associated with our use-it or lose-it capabilities, where certain skills will continue to develop and others will fade into their hard drive.  Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families and Work Institute states, “The brain is very efficient, allowing you to become more adept at the life skills you’re going to use-which is why these are the years to set good work habits in place.”  Just writing this is already inspiring me for another article, so stay posted…

Anyone who knows me or what I believe in; this just confirms how much we need to teach our girls how to practice their self-worth.  Eventually with practice, comes the possibility of a positive self-image for our girls.

Oh, and can I just let you in on a little secret?  My slithery noodle-like teenager is peacefully snoring away on the couch behind me, missing school today.  Why?  I will let the school know she has physically exhausted herself after much pruning in the Prefrontal Cortex region. 🙂

A positive resource on how you can aid in the development of a girls body image, please visit our website at for more information.

XX Chromosomes = Leader

As follower of First Lady Maria Shriver, First Lady Michelle Obama and the only First Lady qualified as a First name Legend and be known for it… Oprah; I can’t help but emphasize the empowering affects these strong Women have on today’s Women in society, but hey, I can only speak for myself.

Architects of Change, as Kris Ruby highlights in this years 2010 Women’s Conference: ” Smart, strong, capable and compassionate leaders who see a problem and seek to create the solution.”

Without putting a down low on the instrumental men in this world, it seems obvious to me as a woman just how influential our beautiful set of double X chromosomes play as huge parts in the strength, determination and ability to solve solutions for the greater part of our future.  Which brings up a recent conversation I had with a friend one day as we complained about our husbands fathering skills or lack there of and with the support of a WordPress by my side, allows me the honor in stating the below:

Men fix problems.

Women solve solutions.

The difference?

Guys, it’s okay.  You “tend” to fix things.  This is great for the here, the now.  You’ll be the first to dive into your problem fixing shed of equipment to find the right tool to tinker with.  To help a lady in distress or do whatever it takes to make your daughter feel good at the moment.  It was a man after all who invented the Band-Aid, right?  Ouch!, did I just say that?  Yes, Band-Aid.  The quick fix.

Lady’s.  We on the other hand solve solutions.  We don’t see a problem and think, “Hmmmm… how can I fix this now.”  We think “Hey, this is a problem and no matter what it takes, I’m gonna find the solution so it doesn’t happen again, and if I can’t find the solution, I will create one on my own!”  This my lady friends is called EMPOWERMENT and INNOVATION.  Taking charge of the problem,  looking it square in the eye, as we teeter out of the “norm” and create a solution; shooing problem away and wiping our hands clean of it, never to be seen again.  Leaders The Women’s Conference address, are not only about Women who make a difference, but Women who give themselves permission to be different.  Re-inventing themselves and contributing what they’ve learned with the world.

If I must share an intimate vision that occasionally pops into my already mindless chattered brain, is to someday share the stage with these Women.  What?  You don’t think I can?  Perhaps they will find my solution to a Healthy Body Image interesting.  Maybe a Mother/Daughter Yoga Empowerment Workshop?  Okay, maybe I will be in the audience, proudly standing tall as if to feel their presence and in my mind think I am actually sharing the stage.

Whatever the outcome, it is inventions and conferences like these setting the stage for more little XX Chromosomes of the future and leaders of the now.