Enough Blaming Media for your Purging Teen…

It’s been eons since I last attempted my favorite Blogoncert with lyrical words to match my renditions of life, family, work and do I dare mention teen girls?  So forgive me if my rant seems a little like a rage…

As a owner and creator of The Gift Series by RaeCole™, it’s a no wonder why I am frequently inundated with parents, customers and the occasional woman at the salon who reveals way too much information on personal facets of her teen daughters life, stressing and blaming her misery on hormones.

If you’re a parent like me who believes in Positive Parenting, then you are also a parent who is probably overwhelmed with what you do on regular basis that will no doubt impact the life of your kids in a positive way.  I can only speak for myself with girls at the awkward ages of 11 and 13.  Ages that proudly project the blossoms of womanhood and surges of hormones on daily basis.

With all the hype on  New Age waves of Positive Parenting, comes a major guffaw in the system, and that is Parents who are Positive to begin with. What? But of course surely, a parent teaching positive behavior in their children would by far be role modeling such attitudes themselves, right?

Mmmm, not so much.

This is real easy to remember people so pay close attention!  Can you say ROLE MODEL?  Can you act like a ROLE MODEL?  Sounds childish… maybe, but role modeling is keeeeeey!  Why is it I continue to run into moms who say one thing to their child, but turn around and do the opposite.  Let me give you an example, going back to my WomanWhoGivesTooMuchInformationOnOverload in the salon:  Mother and Daughter getting their hair done at a local salon.  Daughter rants over the stringiness of her hair to the stylist, sits in the chair with shoulders rounding into the letter “C”.  She continues to berate the thighs she’s inherited by her Mother’s gene pool and how she wants thicker, longer hair to draw attention away from the natural curves puberty has given her. (okay I added that last bit of puberty, but it’s true!)  The stylist and the girls mom then begin to politely tell her how crazy she is like any adult would.  The Mom’s voice raises and insists her daughter shouldn’t talk like that about herself… how beautiful… how to be happy with what God gave her…. blah, blah, blah, BLAH!….. she should’ve stopped right there.  Unfortunately, nothing could keep her rattling mouth from spilling ajar again, as she turned the attention towards herself, only to belittle what has come over her body after having two kids, breastfeeding, not exercising anymore and blah, blah again.

I don’t get it.  Saying something positive and encouraging to your child is just part of the step.  That’s the EASY part if anything.  Hell, there’s lots more to it and unfortunately, the change has to come with YOU!  Us as parents.  We the village raising the new born crops.

Now you wanna talk body image?  I agree, I agree, I TOTALLY agree… media plays a HUGE part on the mindset of girls, totally screwing with their egos, metamorphosing their views in the mirror, but enough of the blame game.  I don’t think Media is going to be hiring size 8 models anytime soon and now that computer enhancement is at its prime, Airbrushing won’t be going extinct in this lifetime.

SO… what do we do?  We change the perception starting at home.  Oprah says we can’t blame the way our lives turn out by blaming what happened in our past… just like you can’t expect us to blame Media for the purging child in the high school bathroom either.  Blame means not taking responsibility.  You can only curb the magazines and tv shows that your child watches in the home, but is it realistic to shelter our children throughout their adolescence, only to have it all highlighted to them like a neon sign by time they reach college?

How many of you struggle with finding this balance at home?

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Giving The Gift…

Alas the time has come!  I got my hour of fame… well actually it was her hour of fame.  My daughter’s fame that is.  Her hour to shine from the glow of my heart when I finally gave her The Gift.  The treasure that I created… marked with my blood, sweat, tears and sometimes a little insanity in hopes of this perfect day to come.  Heel those thoughts now…. I would never “out” my daughter of getting her 1st period for the vast majority of social media to mock!

A treasure originally created to mark a daughters… my daughters first period, simply didn’t feel like the right timing for her.  There were too many new things going on in her life at the ripe age of 12…. and a half!  Middle school, new friends, friends with boyfriends, texting, email accounts… not to mention the redesigned body of a curvaceous young Women that left an innocent shell-child with cutesy baby fat on the sidelines.  If she is anything close to her Mother, she will not peak to her Full Moon until a good age of 14.  My thought… this is way too late for her.  There’s too much going on now for me to ignore.

Being the open dialog Mom that I am, I have spent countless discussions bedside with my daughters chatting about the latest news and discoveries all geared to help empower my girls more, but the last few times the conversations on my king sized vessel wasn’t flowing as much as the pounces she gave on our bed in order to deviate my attention and focus away from her.  It didn’t dawn on me that my “free for all” mouth was something I had learned to voice over time and that my precious daughter might not have the same openness about her… reminding me of when I was her age.

All the conversations and talks I had hoped to have with her about developing a healthy body image, developing self integrity and self-esteem, all got pushed aside during the threshold of puberty now that we were well into  Middle School.

What’s a Mom to do?  I mean really.  Natural conversation wasn’t working in my favor or hers.  These are crucial years to start the fine tuning of self development and I was too afraid of missing the boat.  Too afraid to wait for an encounter to happen before we talked.  And then it hit me like a 911 emergency call: “Um, yes hello, I have an emergency.  My daughter is heading full speed into puberty with her blinders on and no seat belt and I’m not quite sure how to slow her down!”  “Excuse, me what?  Do I have The Gift Series did you say?  Why yes.  YES! I DO have The Gift Series!”

And there was my antidote… very simply, The Gift.  It made perfect sense, for this was the reason that many of my customers had used this gift, and what perfect timing to experiment my own creation than as a communication tool.

Making sure timing was perfect,  I invited myself into her room when I knew nothing and no one would distract us as I held the treasure in hand.  Surprised to see me unveil years of my dream business into this moment, I think even she was second guessing if there was something she needed to know about her body as to why she was receiving such a gift!  Even though my girls know about The Gift Series and what it’s for, I kept them both from knowing exactly what treasures lie inside, so that their moment would be kept a surprise.

After she read the inscribed note on the inside of the box, a smile overcame her face that was more than a crescent shape you may superficially see crossing from one cheek to the next.  It came from a divine place somewhere deep inside and like a domino effect in turn lit up not only her smile, but ignited sparkle in her eyes, engraved dimples that I didn’t know existed only to reveal a glow that some would call nothing short of an aura.  To reiterate this feeling, she sealed the deal by springing to me with a solid hug that almost spilled me over, before even knowing what was inside.

I justified this treasure by letting her know that I saw so many good changes going on in her life and how well she is handling all of them, between school, sports, homework, cell phone, friends and independence, I was proud of the Woman she was becoming, and I wanted to commemorate it all with a keepsake gift and good memory between us.  As we searched through the many items that were specially designed for this purpose, something magical transpired before my eyes… conversation.  Not just any conversation, but discussion on the very things that were embarrassing or uncomfortable for her to talk about before.  With the help of these handpicked items, dialog flowed as easily and naturally as the blood pumping through our veins and to top it off, she had no idea the power behind this Mother/Daughter bond-ship, only feeling the energy transaction between us that allowed her to trust in her surroundings.  Surrounding and company that wasn’t putting all the focus on her, but on the beautiful treasure between us.

It was working…  and although peeks of hopeful expectations flickered in my head from time to time like an old vintage movie… it was actually pretty easy to stay in the moment because I just enjoyed my one on one conversation with my girl.  Two Women discussing the importance of nurturing ourselves, to set positive intentions especially during those rough adolescent and hormonal times and most importantly that all these changes she was experiencing is good and normal.

Did I expect to get it all out on one full plate?  No.  And you shouldn’t either.  The joy was that it was just the beginning of our endless Womanly Chatter.  To plant a seed in the most nutritious of compost grounds, loaded with organic loving nutrients only to watch her struggle and breakthrough the earth with solid foundations to help her withstand the stormiest weather of adolescence into a thriving, confident beauty that shines from within.

For more information on how to have your own Gift of Confidence gift set.  Visit www.Shop.RaeCole.com