Loose Ends…

There’s been major shifting going on and I don’t mean the wedgie between my cheeks.  It’s life changing, life altering stuff, that has inspired me to blog once again.  I’ve been staying true to myself and not letting social media beat me down, so I guess my writing has been left on the side of my plate as if saving the best for last, only I’ve been too full to embrace it, until now.

The death of a close friend and reunion of another has left me full circle into thinking what’s most important, who’s most important and like, how the hell am I going to make money?  The economy has put such a damper on many of us and with my efforts in staying positive, I’m thinking the shift is coming closer than we think.  I have never lost a friend to death before, but her after-presence seems to be making more of an impact than her already inspiring life.  After shedding an insurmountable amount of tears at her Memorial service, I spent the following day bathing in yet again, a flood of emotions once more.  Is it me or have I been an emotional wreck these past few months??? Nonetheless, my tears pondered more thoughts as to who I want to be, how I want people to remember me and the all important… did I make them laugh?  Questions I have asked and responded to before, but needed the once again reminder, as my emotional roller coaster has been down winded lately and my soul is anxious to see the light of bright blue sky up ahead.

There was a reason why I couldn’t get my roller coaster cart to move upward… I was lacking fuel.  Not gas fuel, not food or water fuel, but emotional fuel.  As my cart slowly sputtered to a near stop, smoking fumes of tears, I needed a “Filler Up” fast.  Speaking with a friend one day she mentioned cleaning up “loose ends”.  She decided that she needed to make much needed phone calls with those that have fallen off the band-wagon, never to be heard of again, with no rhyme or reason, with no re-connect or even worse, no closure.  I immediately thought of a close friend with whom I had let fallen to the sides of that same full plate. I thought I didn’t need to tie our loose ends, but I was wrong.  It wasn’t until seeing her at our mutual friends Memorial Service that made both our hearts explode and eyes well up with tears of unspoken feeling wondering where our friendship went wrong, that I realized our ends had not only gotten loose, they were frayed.  With a lick of the fingertips and twist of our once frayed tie, we are bound to duct tape our friendship back… but like any repair, our ends are much weaker now… more fragile and will require much dedication and TLC to mend such a broken bond.

In thinking of these two souls… one who just grasped onto her new set of wings and the other with wings that are hard to pin down, has truly allowed me to self-reflect into my role as a “Being” in this World.

Body-Kart complete with a constant re-fueling tank of emotional fuel, I’m managing to keep my intentions and outlook, facing in the positive direction of up, and can confidently say I have organically refurbished my Body-Kart into a sleek new model that is slowly purring its way into a forward march.  Okay, maybe not so sleek, but I’m definitely purring somewhere… grrrrowwwwl.


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