Scarred for Life…

Quickly drying off the dampness left on my skin from this mornings shower, I noticed an old scar on my left side reflecting back at me from my still steamed mirror.  Although not your typical scar from a cut or injury, but what I like to call my “reminder” scar left from a severe rash I had many years ago.  It’s pink flecks form an oval shape left on my rib…. but don’t cringe, it’s small in size and not very noticeable unless a big mouth like me were to point it out.  Never one to break out in a rash of any kind, not even poison ivy…. this rash started along my ribs only to break out and take over my entire body, fortunately bypassing the face, neck, hands and feet.  Okay, I’m exaggerating, it “would have taken over”, but I managed to stop it in it’s tracks.  Ugh, I know… not pretty.  Pretty disgusting actually.  The doctor diagnosed me with Piteryosis (excuse the spelling, but the word looks just as bad as the rash on my tan flesh).  It was some September ago… I remember because I was happy summer was nearing it’s end with cool weather just around the corner to hide my skin that metamorphised into something of a lepar.  As I peak at my scar always hidden from view, I can honestly say I am grateful for its remains.  It brings back a time, a memory of course of yet….. another life lesson.  Is it me, or do other people remember their so called “AhHa” moments as Oprah calls them too?  I mean, why do I remember all this stuff?  Most people probably go about their life, run into a bit of an “AhHa” and then move about their day, but no Mare has to blast it for the world to see over the internet.  Why don’t you just give me a huge neon lit billboard to broadcast over the Jersey Turnpike, with polluted smoke stackes flanking either side, flashing NEON bright…Warning!  Warning!…MARE HAD ANOTHER AhHA MOMENT TODAY!” Why, we can even add an odometer that keeps track of how many I get a week… a day! “Cha ching, lucky number 999,999, will she make it to 1,000,000???” Okay, I can go on and on about my mindless chatter, let’s get back to the ugly, pimply, spotted RASH!  As I was saying, this rash started on my ribs and started spreading fast,  getting worse instead of better.  Reluctant to see a doctor, I finally made my way in to receive the diagnosis of this obtrusive viral rash that could take up to 6 months to go away!  Believe that?  Oh, and to make matters worse, it was to spread to reach every knook and cranny of my body, “hopefully” avoiding my face and neck.  Yelch!  Did I mention I taught yoga too at the time?  Not too many yoga instructors out there wearing long sleeve shirts and pants!  Coming from a background of bodywork and holistic healing… I did what any witch would do (that’s what my brother calls me…. no worries, it’s a compliment… I think).  I had to find the source of this body invasion and find it fast.  I searched many avenues of healing… meditation…. bodywork… meditation….. energy work…. and more meditation.  My conclusion?  Control.  Surprisingly I can remember all this, but remembering the exact logistics on how I came to this revalation is a mystery.  But I guess that is the beauty of mediation.  You sit and ask, you sit more and ask again, until one day the answer is obvious.  It was as obvious as the welted rash on my skin.  I was a control freak.  Can we just leave the word freak out and say I was controlling?  Part of my control was keeping me from going with the flow… [hence, my post “Going with the Flow” published on February 25, 2009.]  This time I didn’t voice my opinions (surprised?), I kept them to myself which started to affect me in a not so nice way.  I knew that stress of any sort can make the body sick and I also knew that disease or illness of any sort, shows up in the body with subtle signs… anywhere from being abnormally tired, to certain breakouts on the skin first before actual disease or illness occurs.  That’s why knowing the true source behind any illness is key into body restoration.  With my irritating rash getting more irritating by the minute and now had spread completely around my torso and arms, I was grateful this realization had come when it did.  I had much work to do from here and part of my work was not about working harder to control the rash, but a more passive experiement on letting go.  I redirected my controlling thoughts with postive affirmations of healing and started the process “as if” I were already healed.   Ahhh, the mind of a true Witch.  With my long sleeves on, I continued to practice yoga, continued to teach and allowed my meditation to deepen with this new acceptance, eventually bringing this tired rash to a halt.  Red blotchy spots dulled to a light shade of pink and eventually faded back to my natural olive skin tone.  This breakout lasting only a few weeks from start to finish, but feeling like a lifetime, had me fill with sympathy as I searched the internet and found horrible cases of this virul infection, inflame those not so lucky.  As the spots weakened leaving behind one last hierachy spot which started it all… I can finally bow into its curtain call with a standing ovation.

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