Oh did you wanna hear more….?
And so it began, the start of a new career. My mind fluttering with ideas, I could no longer concentrate on bodywork, I had stuff to do, prototypes to make, ideas to journal. I couldn’t stop preaching about this unique concept, couldn’t stop thinking, planning, creating, but WAIT!!!! Hold everything!…. I forgot one major setback. I’m not good enough for such a creation.
And so began lesson # 999,999…..
I had always struggled with my feelings of not being good enough. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d think I was good at something, but when the success of it came around, I suddenly would wonder why that success was there. My yoga classes… packed. My reviews/comments from students… amazing. But why? At the time I didn’t feel worthy of students coming to my class. How can I teach them to do their best in class, when I wasn’t comfortable doing my best? To top it off, I preached the same words to both my daughters about doing only their best, not having to be the best. My eldest in particular had many strengths in sports. Did she do sports? No. Was she on a team? No. She refused to acknowledge any bit of talent she had or fun that it was, just to not be on a team of some sort. Both my husband and I spending years of brainwashing her into more positive thinking. I was rubbing off on her. Energetically speaking, although I didn’t know it at the time.
Why was I like this? I mean after all, my parents never held any expectations on me whatsoever! I meditated on this, because I knew I couldn’t go any further with this business until I made a shift in my thinking process. And then it happened, like a guru once said…. you cannot feel the breeze inside unless the window is open… just like you will never have moments of awakening if you don’t leave your mind just as open to receive that thought or that breeze of enlightenment. It hit me like a ton of bricks. You see I grew up in a very conservative home and although I had a wonderful childhood, it was known that you don’t toot your own horn, so to speak. If you had talent… keep it to yourself. We don’t want to act conceited in any way. We’re not those kind of people who make lots of money. We’re down here with the light on dim… no need to shine so that everyone can see you. This was not by any means sad to me at the time and these words were never spoken, and the intention I’m sure was not conscious in any way. But, still as my two role models in life portrayed themselves on dim… so did I.
Oh, so I finally got it! I don’t have to be better than anyone else, but I can be just as good as everybody else. DUH!!!!! I don’t have to be THE best… I just have to do MY best! DUH!!!! The words I expressed to my kids over and over had finally rang true to me. My whole life shifted. Students weren’t coming to me because I am the best instructor. They came because they liked my teaching style, because they got “something” out of every class… and that was good enough for me!
And so, after this amazing, life altering shift happened, guess what? My daughter joined TWO sports that same season! No words spoken about me and my lesson, just a simple energetic shift.
A lesson not only in being my best, but even more important, the simple and most profound impact we have on our kids, just by being a role model. It’s not what we say. It’s how we live.